Written by:Darren Justice
Okay, I’ll man up and say what everyone else is thinking: I think it’s hot when a girl surfs like a man! Although a three to the beach is still a leg up on what I can pull, it’s definitely hot to see a girl go fins free, or throw a huge air without regards to her body. It takes more than a beautiful face and stunning features (stop questioning my logic just roll with it) for you to be considered, “hot.” You’ve gotta lay the hacks, nail the shots, and most importantly, pull the results. While some Neanderthal Broski will rant about how Alana’s the hottest surfer ever, he’s also probably going tail forward no fins at Bolsa Chica on a 2 ft day. So guys, stop being cavemen, and open up your minds a bit, because I would carry these girls’ boards down the Trestles walk any day.
Bringing beauty to Seal Beach. Photo: Dove Shore/Red Bull Content Pool
Maya Gabeira is probably the toughest surfer out there (well, maybe Keala Kennelly takes that one). After her recent appearance during the big Teahupo’o swell, one might wonder what she WON’T pull into, or whether she’s really sane. The only thing we’re sure of is that it might be time for her to let another girl take the best overall performance award, something her and Kelly can talk about in the lineup at Dungeons. She not ugly either, but between my inferiority complex and the probability of throwing up in my mouth every time she drops in on a 20ft + wave, I’m sorry Maya but I don’t think we’d work out.
All smiles, when not wearing a jersey. Photo: Monyca’s Facebook Page
Everyone knows how lucky Ola is (Monyca Byrne-Wickey’s new fiance), and other people will definitely put her in at least their top 5. Monyca definitely isn’t hard to look at. Being the senior resident on the Nike team, she has the experience and style to definitely throw some Maui flavor onto the World Tour scene. If you haven’t seen her section in Leave a Message, you should probably just quit life because not only can she throw mean buckets, she can probably kick your ass while still looking cute standing over your quivering corpse.
Don’t be fooled by the smile; this hottie charges. Photo: Alana’s Facebook Page
The one thing probably missing from Alana Blanchard is consistency. She has an amazing style, but has fallen off the tour yet again. Bring Alana back! This Kauai heart throb can definitely surf Pipe with the best, something that a lot of the girls on tour lack. Some people may call me crazy for putting her here, but I’m not taking anything away from someone who can look that good pulling out of a pit.
Powerful turns and big airs make Coco one of the top competitors on the ASP World Tour. Photo: Coco’s Facebook Page
I guess we’ll stay with the theme of results. Also speaking of experience, Coco Ho has been on the tour for a decent amount of time, and pulled a Rookie of the Year and an amazing win at Peniche some time ago. She’s also failed to stay consistent. Everyone knows that, I too, “just wanna be, be that guy, that you talk about at night…” (shout out to Conner!). She has some of the best front hand snaps and her airs are definitely progressing. Can you please win a title for us now? And screw the pressure of living up to a legacy (I guess I wouldn’t really know pressure, would I? :/ )
Nage (left) makes Hanalei boys tremble, here with neighbor Alana Blanchard. Photo: Facebook.com/Nage-Melamed
If you’re not really familiar with Nage Melamed, even after that dance video went viral a way back, please do yourself a favor and get to know her because she’s inching closer to being a permanent fixture on the world tour. Her frontside rail work is up there with the best, her backside is strong, and her turns aren’t bad either! Besides blowing any chance I’ll ever have with her or making the dumbest joke ever, hopefully I’ve motivated you to check out her Instagram, because no one ever gets tired of pictures of rainbows and sunshine, and a beautiful Hawaiin pro surfer in a bikini, right?
Laura Enever is not only incredibly beautiful, her personality will capture any man’s heart. Photo: Surf Channel
After an epic showing in Leave a Message, her rookie world tour campaign didn’t seem fulfilling for most of us. Everything has changed this season. Nike must really be stepping up their training regimens because whatever Laura’s done it’s working. Fresh off a 2nd at Snapper, the stars seem to be aligning for this North Narrabeen Native. I hope she thinks alliteration is hot because that’s the only thing I got that can compare to Granger’s air verses. If I’m ever fortunate enough to surf with this alluring sweetheart I’ll gladly sit on the shoulder and get sprayed (not a euphemism).
Wollongong’s hope for a World Title, Sally Fitzgibbons. Photo: Sally’s Facebook Page
Sally definitely has a world title coming her way, it’s just a matter of when and how many she wants. She trains more than she probably needs to, is pushing the progression of women’s surfing in competition, and is always grinning ear to ear with an amazing smile. Oh ya, she probably surfs better than you ever will. So to rub salt in the wound, let’s review: you’ll probably never get her, if you try you’ll probably get choked out by Dan Ross, and you’ll never be able to throw a mean hack to air and look as good as she does at the same time. Now that I’ve crushed your dreams, stop trying to get your cousin to sign up for her surf camp because they don’t need any more chaperones.
Carissa’s signature pose, reminiscent of her Surfer Magazine feature as a 16 year old cover girl. Photo: Brent Bielmann/Red Bull Content Pool
Who can’t crush on the youngest world champ ever? Recently relieving Kelly of that title, Carissa Moore surfs more like a man than even the men on the QS. And you know you like it! It’s such an amazing thing to watch her surf, and if you’re lucky enough to see it live you’ve also probably had the honor of meeting the sweetest person alive as well. Amazing with her fans, press, and defeated competition, she is the definition of a true champion. An all around amazing surfer, she definitely pulls off the all-yellow Nike suit, but then again I can do that, too.
I’m not gonna lie, this girl is beautiful. Period. Anyhoo… Finally! Sage made it on tour! After being on the bubble for two years, it’s finally time Sage took her act to the main stage and showcased her mean hacks and primetime snaps. It’s no secret she breaks the devastated hearts of many frothing groms when they learn she has a boyfriend, but fear not sex deprived pimple popping kooks! Follow her on twitter and send her a message, maybe walk her dogs and keep the dream alive that you might have a chance with this blonde bombshell. Don’t forget she can do a pretty rad spray.
Pure style puts Malia at #1. Photo: Facebook.com/MaliaManuel
Malia Manuel is number one for a reason: she’s pushing the limits of how high a girl can air. She can bring a progressive style to the melting pot of the ASP Women’s Tour, and she is one hell of a competitor. If you missed her back to back 1st places on the QS before making it on tour, it’s no secret Malia wants to win. She has the true characteristics of a champion, being the youngest ever to win the US Open at age 14. Malia doesn’t have a lot of chinks in her armor. With a well rounded repertoire of hacks, snaps, carves, and now airs, this is one girl that will not only break hearts but records for years to come. Thanks to a diverse surf environment growing up on Kauai, she’s toned her skills surfing in different conditions. You should probably paddle south if you’re sharing the lineup with her, because you will be embarrassed you even tried pulling that slob grab you haven’t perfected yet just to impress her.